Last week I went to my first music/yoga festival, Sonic Bloom. It was important not only because it was a first, but I taught a yoga class there. Teaching at a festival was always something that I wanted to do, but it seemed so out of reach. Fear and doubt told me that I wasn’t “good enough” to ever pull something like that off, I just assumed it was for those “other” teachers that had something that I didn’t.
I applied to teach, with my partner as my DJ and we were accepted. We had put together an amazing set, the music was supposed to really set the tone for our class that centered on connecting to Svadhisthana, the Sacral Chakra.
The four days that led up to us teaching, were some of the most transformative. We were surrounded by motivated, creative, intelligent people who were on a journey to consciousness, just like us. Everyone was ready and willing to lend a hand, they acknowledged our presence with a wave, a smile or a simple, “hello.” There wasn’t any drama. As someone whose been slowly making their way out of a year-long hermitage, this was initially uncomfortable for me. It was uncomfortable to be seen, to have people look at me with such open hearts and curiosity. People that I didn’t even know were giving me hugs and telling me their life stories, it was out-of-the-ordinary to say the least.
Another thing that I noticed was, being around 6,000 people, I came up against a lot of judgment, doubt and comparison. It was interesting to watch all of this go on in my mind and making conscious decisions to let it go, it felt good. I couldn’t believe how easy it became, I couldn’t believe how much was shifting in me and how many walls and boundaries in my heart and mind that I was able to let go of. It was so inspiring to be around people that appeared far more comfortable being their authentic selves than I’ve ever been and to watch other yoga instructors connect to their students and really move them physically and emotionally. People weren’t there just to party, they were there to grow; there were classes on permaculture, politics, painting, energy dynamics, sexual consciousness, belly dancing, etc. I was surrounded by people who had discovered their strengths through personal and social connections and were using that knowledge to help change the world for the better. I felt like I was buzzing, I was feeding off of them and saw that I hadn’t been showing up in my life as my best for a while. I became very clear about where I want to go with my career, and also how I want to show up for my friends and my family. I left realizing that I truly want to do every moment well and I am fully capable of doing that. How I let so much fear and doubt creep into my life I’m not sure, but I felt and still feel done with it and am ready to take charge of my life.
It finally came time to teach my class: Sonic Flow. Again, the music was supposed to drive the feel and flow of the class. When we arrived to teach, we found out that the generator for the tent we were teaching in had just broken. No music. And no mic to talk over the bass music stage right next to us with blaring music. I experienced such an intense moment of resistance, anger, bewilderment, shock, denial—I mean you name it, the whole works. All I wanted to do was run away. It took me a minute to come to grips with the fact that there was nothing I could do about it, I had to drop the attachment to my emotions and put on a happy face. I had to teach and give the people ready to take my class my best effort.
Through my nervousness, I ended up teaching a class that I was really proud of, given the circumstances. I felt genuinely connected to the people in class and they were so graciously receptive. I was buzzing again, but in a different way. I was buzzing because I discovered that I was capable of dropping really difficult emotions that seemed to be taking over my entire being. I had felt so intensely upset and I felt so empowered by the fact that I was able to drop it completely, on the spot. It was a moment of realizing that I am more capable and more powerful than I ever knew. I will never forget that.
I also want to give a shout-out to Artisan Jones, he handled himself so well when finding out that he wouldn’t be able to play the set that he had put so much time and energy into. I was so inspired by his ability to accept the bad news with grace and support me in teaching the class.
Since being back, I’ve felt almost like a hyper-engagement with my life. I’ve been practicing doing each moment well, the best that I can and it’s brought a sense of purpose to everything that I do. I feel different, I feel lighter and I’ve been letting shit go like a motherfucker. I didn’t realize it could be so easy. All I want to do, is share this shift with my friends and with my students. I want to help people in their journey of letting go and freeing up more energy to be in the moment. I am eternally grateful for my time at Sonic Bloom. I danced for 4 days without a shower, I left hairy and dirty and feeling so alive and open. I grew in my relationship with myself and also with my partner. We became closer than ever during our time together and I can’t wait to change the world with him as we discover our fullest potential. See you on the mat!